You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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