I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
