She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
