i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
