I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
