My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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