I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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