The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
