Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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