Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
