if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
