I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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