Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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