he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
