I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
