New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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