There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
