of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
