I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
