It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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