when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
