I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
