I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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