What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you traded sex for a burrito?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
