Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
