Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
