Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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