i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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