i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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