So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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