oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
