And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
