Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
