Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
