Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
