the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
