I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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