y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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