watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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