Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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