Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
