So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
