Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
