We won't sleep together?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
