She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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