You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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