he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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