Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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