Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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