I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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