Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
