i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
